I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
