I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
