so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
