The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
