Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
