Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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