Four minutes until I can fart!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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