i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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