U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
