Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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