I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
