I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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