the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
