you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
