yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
