He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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