Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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