we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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