I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
