doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
