the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
