his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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