And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
