Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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