I hate your face
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
