I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
