Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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