yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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