Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize