Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
