It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
