he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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