he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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