Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
