how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
