Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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