What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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