Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
