But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
