I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Houston, we have a squirter
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
