and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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