My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize