Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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