That's intense
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
