I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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