If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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