My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
