somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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