Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
