i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
