I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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