If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
