How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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