her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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