We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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