I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
