On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
