We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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