I accidentally had phone sex last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
