It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
