he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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