i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My dick has a subreddit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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