I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
mondays should just be called national damage control day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
