is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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