he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
