If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
