You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
