Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize