I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
