I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
