HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
