Just cropdusted the office
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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