Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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