franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm passing your future prison.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
