how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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