Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
