so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
