My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
