I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
